Sentient USA Review - Draft  4

Sentient USA Review – Draft 4

Sentient Philadelphia - Pilot - Draft 4

Begin your review 

Joseph DiFrancesco’s Draft Four of Sentient USA Pilot script is ready for review.

Click on the latest draft of the Pilot script (left) to view.

Read the beat sheet summary here.

Submit your review by June 14th 2019.

Your points will be added to the Leaderboard.

Don’t forget, participating in each of the reviews/tasks for 2019 earns a bonus 25,000 points IP. 

Also, all delivered, commissioned drafts are now recorded on the record of drafts page.

Thanks so much for participating.

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Post an apocalyptic attack, JJ, a power company lineman, finds himself injured, confused and searching through the heavily wooded region of Lancaster, Pennsylvania.  Having received a text from his fiancée Lindsey shortly before the attack – one which alludes to their relationship being in jeopardy – he knows she is working her station at the Kinzua Dam.  He fears she may be one of only a few people left who know how to stave off disaster. 

Spotting early signs of pending dam failure via swelling rivers and changing waterway patterns, he tries to make his way to the Kinzua Dam before there’s a breach in the heavily damaged structure.

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Review task one

Read, rate and comment for 2000 points.

1 star = poor

2 stars = OK but not engaging

3 stars = engaging but it needs serious work

4 stars = very engaging

5 stars = a page turner

  • Log in to the Sentient.TV site and leave a comment on how the work can be improved at the bottom of the post for that script’s review. The comment must be no longer than two paragraphs. Save larger reviews for Task two, (below).
  • Confirm you have completed this for your points by emailing the HOD at or messaging via the site, (the safest bet).
  • Questions? Contact the HOD.

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Review task two

Create a review for 3500 points.

  • Create a 2 – 10 page Word / PDF document.
  • You may review the work based on any criteria. Your objective is to help the Author improve the work.
  • Email your review to the HOD at .
  • Questions? Contact the HOD.

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Task Two reviews

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Review task three

Answer the author’s four questions below for 2000 points.

Elaborate! Give the Author some content he can use to enhance the work. 

Send your answers in Word or PDF format to the HOD at .

Confirm you have done this using the site’s messaging system.

Your answers will be posted to the site for viewing.

Contact the Author directly to seek clarity re the Qs.

Author’s questions

1) Are the primary characters compelling, do you empathize?

2) Do you feel the pilot plants seeds for plot growth and expansion?
3) Is it paced well?
4) What of the mood of the work? Does it feel like a spring is under great tension?  That a release of energy (exposition) is imminent?

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Task Three answers 

Ebuka Okparauzoma

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The next work in this round to be published will be Geoff Dupuy-Holder’s Sentient UK, then Sentient Australia and finally either the science work of Jule Rustemeier and Craig Cooper’s Sentiology, (the science behind the work) and/or Nikita Ivanenko’s Sentient Russia.

From there on, Sentient Australia will take the lead to deliver fast plot advances and insights. The new plan’s objective is to enable our team to complete development of the Pilot and Season outline for each of the works, including Africa so we can take the works to market. We are already getting a lot of interest from some key players. Now, we have to deliver. 

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Sponsor Sentient

5 Responses

  1. Character objectives and arcs for the PILOT – Forgot to put this in the review however this is important. Very clear for some characters. Not so for others.

  2. Nice work Jo.
    We need stronger male characters.
    More conflict.
    Greater time spent getting to know Lindsey and JJ’s relationship.
    Better seeding of the alien invasion.

  3. Generally, I am of the view that the author has done more than just enough in this latest draft of the US sentient pilot. If there is any improvement it will be for the author to put in more effort in building the story with the elements indicated in the series formula to keep the readers/ viewers mouth-agape and totally mesmerized. The formula is the key. We would have been at a cross road without the formula guide. I appreciate David and all those behind the formula guide. Great job!


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