By Virginia Higgins
Synopsis: An Australian scientist from Pine Gap finds out the truth while nursing his dying wife
Location: Michigan USA and Pine Gap – Australia
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Guide to rating
Here are ten points to consider for ten stars:
- Title and synopsis – Do they grab you?
- Concept – Is it engaging?
- Format – Is it formatted correctly?
- Interesting character/s
- Drama-conflict, (is it sophisticated, enticing, engaging?)
- Film-ability (Is it do-able even as an animation?)
- Does it end on a page-turner? (is there suspense?)
- Gap, (does the author use gap?)
Don’t know what 1-10 refers to? Then, award 1-10 stars based on your gut OR you can check out our, ‘Learn the secrets’, notes right here.
Don’t know what 1-10 refers to?
Then, award 1-10 stars based on your gut OR you can check out our, ‘Learn the secrets’, notes right here.
Guide to review
Comment below to assist the writer with your ideas and issues with their work, (play nice, leave the biting to the infected).
Adventure is calling… what will you do?
This entry was posted on Monday, July 1st, 2013 at 1:00 am
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Posted in: Day one scripts, Help, Uncategorized
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The technique is awesome. Kudos
I agree about the ‘scientists report’ bit Steiny. It’s been present in sci fi since year dot – usually to be followed by a ‘control room’ situation and a couple of heroes running about on foot. A particularly well handled example with some major structural differences in recent times is Contagion.
However, since the purpose of the virus in JOTS is to quickly set up the environment (no more Northern Hemisphere, paranoia in the Southern) and the battle to remove it is not really a part of the overall plot, I wonder how much importance should be placed on the scientific and government discoveries. Just a thought.
My main criticism here is with the dialogue. I would suggest reading the whole thing out loud. Can you hear the different personalities? Are there times where there is too much information given? Could it be condensed anywhere? I’m not just picking on you, Virginia. In each of the scripts submitted — my own included — that which needs to be said is often overwhelmed and/or lost in the words … if that makes any sense. It’s true that many people ramble on and repeat themselves in real life but in film, as often as not, a short response is all that’s needed.
“I’ll be back.” Would have lost its impact somewhat if Arnie said, “Oh? OK then. I’ll drop back later and we’ll see if we can get it all sorted out then.”
“They’re here!” Wouldn’t have been quite as creepy if the little girl went on to explain exactly who is here, what they look like and what they want for lunch.
“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” Imagine what would happen to the energy of the scene if he went on to explain why a bigger boat is needed and the reasons as to why the vessel they’re in might not be ideally suited.
All that being said, overall I really quite like this work — the mix of personal and professional duties is nicely set up and there is a genuine sense of dread in the air.
Development gives us the chance to do read-throughs, explore shooting script options with the director and hone the work, especially issues of transition.
Dialogue is no easy job but it is an in concert event with the shooting script delivered by the director.
Which transition are you looking for?
V, the point of infection. What happens when the fungal infection starts to take hold? As a study, that is its own scene to explore what goes on and it may manifest in any number of ways.
Got it.. Will think on it and come up with something. Have a couple of ideas.
This is a very good introduction of Day one events using a standard Sci-fi genre, ‘Scientists discover and report’ technique. I am still yet to see a script that explores the moment of transition.