A new world

A new world


By Jacqueline Smyth

Location: Air France flight on route to Paris

Synopsis: Infection is unleashed mid-air over Paris



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  1. Title and synopsis – Do they grab you?
  2. Concept – Is it engaging?
  3. Format – Is it formatted correctly?
  4. Interesting character/s
  5. Dialogue
  6. Drama-conflict, (is it sophisticated, enticing, engaging?)
  7. Action
  8. Film-ability (Is it do-able even as an animation?)
  9. Does it end on a page-turner? (is there suspense?)
  10. Gap, (does the author use gap?)

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Guide to review

Comment below to assist the writer with your ideas and issues with their work, (play nice, leave the biting to the infected).

Adventure is calling… what will you do?

4 Responses

  1. I like the setting in this one – an enclosed space on a stormy night. Massive potential for a pressure cooker situation.

    My two cents worth: I would take a look at the dialogue. How do newlyweds speak to one another? Would they leave it at “It’s been a good weekend.”? Would a co-pilot comment on the noise behind the door and wanting to get out of the weather in the same sentence? Maybe, but what does it do for the story?

    Otherwise, I think it’s a very cool scene and I like the ending being left open. Nice work.

    • Thanks Anthony, I really appreciate it! 🙂

      Oh, no, the newlyweds weren’t wedded that exact weekend. They were married just a few weeks before, still kind of recent but they had been visiting Karen’s parents on a mini trip.

      The co-pilot is already a little anxious about flying in that kind of weather, the noises just egg it on. I wanted it to add to the drama.

      Thanks again for the comments.

  2. I like the idea, especially in a confined space. Are the two events connected – the same flight attendant in both? Would like to see a reference to the meteor shower to link the cause. Look forward to seeing it.

    • Thanks Amanda, I really appreciate the feedback! 🙂

      To answer, no, it’s two different flight attendants in the two separate incidents. I titled the second one in the script as ‘flight attendant #2’.

      The link to the meteor shower is, although very very small, that red glowing-like dust in the raindrops landing on the cockpits window. The captain notices it but doesn’t know what it is… yet. The reason I kept it fairly small is the mystery it creates.

      Thanks again for the support and the feedback. 🙂


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