By David Moran
Synopsis: The comet arrives in New York and Iceland but with very different results
Read, rate, review
Signed-in members can:
- Read the author’s script
- Rate it using the gold star system, (above the author’s photo)
- Review the script by adding comments at the bottom of this page
Pin it
Got a visual idea for the look of this work? Pin it to our, ‘Day one’ Pinterest board.
Pinterest – Day one
Guide to rating
Here are ten points to consider for ten stars:
- Title and synopsis – Do they grab you?
- Concept – Is it engaging?
- Format – Is it formatted correctly?
- Interesting character/s
- Dialogue
- Drama-conflict, (is it sophisticated, enticing, engaging?)
- Action
- Film-ability (Is it do-able even as an animation?)
- Does it end on a page-turner? (is there suspense?)
- Gap, (does the author use gap?)
Don’t know what 1-10 refers to?
Then, award 1-10 stars based on your gut OR you can check out our, ‘Learn the secrets’, notes right here.
Guide to review
Comment below to assist the writer with your ideas and issues with their work, (play nice, leave the biting to the infected).
Adventure is calling… what will you do?
This entry was posted on Sunday, May 19th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Posted in: Day one scripts, Help, Uncategorized
Hi David,
I def. like the title here- I also think that the backdrop of Iceland makes for a cool intro.- desolate streets, then the noicse for the crwoded bar, leading into the contrast of seeing the comet in the sky above. I think this is an ideal set-up for the premise of rhis kind of film-
The concept was def. engaging- Since the iniyal action occurs in Iceland, and switches to NY- This allows the audience to realize this is happening everywhere-
I enjoyed the characters, and the dialogue marched each segment perfectly: ie) comedic drunk guys in Iceland, speaking Icelandic to each other, as they hang onto each other; switching to the Mon and 2 boys playing outside. The last scene where the boy stabs his Mother’s attacker (past bpyfriend) def. makes the audience stand up and gets our attention- AND it leads me to want to see how the rest of t he story is going to play out! There’s definite suspense here, and interest as a page turner…
I think this is do-able as far as film-abiliity goes- Iceland is a really special backdrop that is eerie in nature and look, and would really work as an “intro premonition” (per se) that something very unusual is about to happen… It would work as a very cool look for the beginning of the film.
Awesome job, David… :-)!
Sorry for the few typos- typing quickly..
Hey Corinne,
Thanks for the nice review. I’m glad you liked the work.
I just didn’t quite get what you meant by talking about the scene headings being the same??
David
Hey Corinne,
Many writers wouldn’t think it important re having the same scene headings but you are spot on re this. It makes a huge difference. Standardize, simplify, compartmentalize. This makes everyone’s job simpler when reviewing, budgeting and timing the script.
Regards
Steiny
I love the title” Knights of Iceland” and found the concept engaging. The script left me wanting to know what happens next so I think the suspense is beginning to build and it definately makes me want to turn the page.
The bar room characters create some black humor and I think there is room for more here. I really like the scenes with Ashley and the kids and can also see some humor with poor old Eddy getting whacked.
Formatting is always questionable for me as it varies so much but I prefer to keep the description of such items of clothing in lower case and props in uppercase. For me that is just easier to read.
I also like to keep my “Scene” heading description exactly the same which helps me identify quickly how many scenes I have in this location. I don’t know if this is standard or not but it is what I have learnt over time. Being an actor, the easier to read the easier I can create my vision.
The vision is very clear for me and looking forward to reading more. The fire and ice combination makes for a fabulous ray of colors visually. I like it!
As an actor/ writer I just love a script that keeps me interested so I like this one.
Corinne