You should be here

You should be here

By Nicholas Andrew Halls

Synopsis: After escaping dinner with his family to attend a party with his girlfriend just outside Dortmund, Germany, a sheltered gamer witnesses the meteor shower overhead. The red snow that follows is just the first in a series of bizarre incidents that will culminate in a group of young adults, locked in a basement, fearful for their lives

Location: Dortmund, Germany

Tagline: Just don’t give in to peer pressure

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  1. Title and synopsis – Do they grab you?
  2. Concept – Is it engaging?
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  5. Dialogue
  6. Drama-conflict, (is it sophisticated, enticing, engaging?)
  7. Action
  8. Film-ability (Is it do-able even as an animation?)
  9. Does it end on a page-turner? (is there suspense?)
  10. Gap, (does the author use gap?)

 

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Adventure is calling… what will you do?

 

11 Responses

  1. You should be here and not there
    Scary it maybe, don’t give in to fear
    Seen many deaths? Cry not, not even a single tear

    You should be here
    Maybe in the snows whirling away precious time
    After tonight the sun might still shine

    You should be here
    Breathing heavily in the cold
    With or without jacket…. But a strange sight to behold

    You should be here
    Here and not there…. Partying harder
    Drinking to stupor when death’s music goes louder

    You should be here
    Chilling out… isn’t it called fun?
    Hanging out under the midnight sun!

    You should be here
    To bear witness to this horrific scenario
    Meteorites bursting like volcano

    You shouldn’t be here
    It’s death calling out there
    You shouldn’t be here
    If you’re as scary as…. HERE!

  2. Great flow to this story. Love the basement scene as well! I had an amazing visual while reading, which was a very fast read. Thank you for this!

  3. Liked this a lot. The descriptions of details really caught me (snowflakes bursting into the red spores – in fact … red snow!). There are a couple of little things like Jan standing by as he watches one kid drown another … but I suspect I’m mostly nit picking. Well done!

  4. Profile photo of Ahmed Ndao Ahmed Ndao says:

    Hi, thrilling (basement, always scares me, we don’t know here in my country lol!) and captivating for you will answer what will come next once to see END; as all good film must leave to watcher! Good

  5. That’s a good point. One one hand, the author could argue that the use of the ‘tags’ allows for fast traffic through the story and easy identification for the reader on the other I wouldn’t want to see it on a long form work but I’m pretty sure Nicholas is aware of that. I believe he has written for the medium. Fast read, maximum impact etc.

  6. Hi I enjoyed the script but as an actor I hate the script to say Jan’s Mother, GrandMother, Father etc
    Writers should know that as actors we like to have a name for our characters.
    But other than that, I enjoyed it.

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