A new world

A new world

By Jacqueline Smyth

Location: Air France flight on route to Paris

Synopsis: Infection is unleashed mid-air over Paris

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  2. Concept – Is it engaging?
  3. Format – Is it formatted correctly?
  4. Interesting character/s
  5. Dialogue
  6. Drama-conflict, (is it sophisticated, enticing, engaging?)
  7. Action
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  10. Gap, (does the author use gap?)

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Comment below to assist the writer with your ideas and issues with their work, (play nice, leave the biting to the infected).

Adventure is calling… what will you do?


4 Responses

  1. I like the setting in this one – an enclosed space on a stormy night. Massive potential for a pressure cooker situation.

    My two cents worth: I would take a look at the dialogue. How do newlyweds speak to one another? Would they leave it at “It’s been a good weekend.”? Would a co-pilot comment on the noise behind the door and wanting to get out of the weather in the same sentence? Maybe, but what does it do for the story?

    Otherwise, I think it’s a very cool scene and I like the ending being left open. Nice work.

    • Thanks Anthony, I really appreciate it! 🙂

      Oh, no, the newlyweds weren’t wedded that exact weekend. They were married just a few weeks before, still kind of recent but they had been visiting Karen’s parents on a mini trip.

      The co-pilot is already a little anxious about flying in that kind of weather, the noises just egg it on. I wanted it to add to the drama.

      Thanks again for the comments.

  2. I like the idea, especially in a confined space. Are the two events connected – the same flight attendant in both? Would like to see a reference to the meteor shower to link the cause. Look forward to seeing it.

    • Thanks Amanda, I really appreciate the feedback! 🙂

      To answer, no, it’s two different flight attendants in the two separate incidents. I titled the second one in the script as ‘flight attendant #2’.

      The link to the meteor shower is, although very very small, that red glowing-like dust in the raindrops landing on the cockpits window. The captain notices it but doesn’t know what it is… yet. The reason I kept it fairly small is the mystery it creates.

      Thanks again for the support and the feedback. 🙂

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